Parents Guidelines for Teen Dating - Protect But Don't Smother

Here are some great guidelines for parents to follow to protect their teenagers during dating and how to entrust them to have fun. No parent wants to release their teenager to the wolves, nor excessively smother them as they enter adulthood. Find the perfect balance and have peace as a parent.

My Teen Dating Rules for Parents
1. Meet your teenager's friend before agreeing to let them date.
2. Upon approving of their date, know where your teenager is going to be.
3. Tell them what time you expect them to be home.
4. Advise them of what behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.
5. Trust them to honor you and them to make the right choices.
6. When they return, ask them if they had a good time and try to get them to open up and casually tell you about their date (while looking for any body language that might convey guilt or something suspicious).
7. If all seems well and you feel good, rest in peace. If not, inquire further of your teen (and if necessary their friends and date).

Ideally you want to protect your teenager, but simultaneously build trust so you don't have to smother them.

Every teenager is different. Some will be compliant and obedient, whereas others will be defiant and rebellious. Know your own child and sniff out any negative attitudes that might indicate bad behavior.

Remember your teenager's friends determines their future. So too is it with dating. Many teenagers career hopes are quickly ruined by an unwanted pregnancy, car accident, or prison sentence. Teach your teenager how to guard their heart, life, and future.

Reuniting Children With Nature

Nature is exactly what's missing from the lives of most children nowadays. TV, play stations and other electronic gadgets should not stop your child from getting wet or meeting various flora and fauna. Let them come out and learn.

Children in today's world are under pressure from a number of sources, which is keeping them from the great – and small – outdoors. Studies and competition from televisions, computer games, mobile phones and other gadgets is all but severing young people's connection with the natural world. Many children, unfamiliar with the wilds and for the most part living in urban settings, are even afraid of outdoors. Some of this fear is justified, but it is heightened by news coverage and reality TV shows. Parents are aware of the risks of accidents in the outdoor world, but increasing numbers of youngsters are beginning to suffer from repetitive stress injuries by overuse of keyboards and game consol.

Peter Cornall, head of leisure safety of Britain's Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, even goes so far as to suggest that children who do not play outdoors may be more at risk from accident, because they have not learned by trial and error what is safe. Children need to get wet and stung by insects, they need to learn to slip, trip up, what hurts. Most of all, mental health is totally benefited by an outdoor play. Children who play in natural areas tend to be more creative and able to invent their own games. Attention span is also lengthened through nature play. Researchers at the University of Illinois have discovered that five-year-olds showed a significant reduction in symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder when they had a chance to get to grips with nature. Proximity to nature in and around the home also promotes self-confidence and improves body-image.

It is not always easy to bring your children back into contact with nature, because life has become so urban. To make a small start, get your child to be more aware of a small area at the edge of a garden, field or pond. Concentrate on the boundaries - where the trees stop and a field begin, where rock and earth meet water. Sit motionless by a pond. Use all of your senses. Wait for the frogs to plop – or sing. Go rambling in woods or field with your children. Keep a nature journal, getting the child to use words or pictures to attempt to capture what he or she has experienced – the flight of a bumblebee, the bend and ping of a blade of grass.

It isn't necessary to learn all the names of the plants and creatures, but to open your eyes and ears to them. Feeling is believing. American writer Deborah Churchman has a great idea – the moth walk: first blend up some fruit juice, a touch of beer or wine and some sugar or honey. Strike the mixture to a rough surface just like the bark of a tree. Check the results later and see what you have lured.

Motivating the child to tend a garden or even a simple window box is surely rewarding and the best way to create a deep appreciation and lasting love of the natural world.

Be a Successful Blended Family

The divorce rate for the second marriage is higher than the first, and the number one cause is the children. Would you like some important insights and solutions that will help you be a successful blended family? The following case studies and guidelines can help you to prevent and heal problems with your family.

"I am a package deal," Hannah told her boyfriend. The working mother had two daughters, when she married her second husband, Randy, who had never been married. Beth was 15 years old and Sondra was 12. Hannah wisely told Randy that in order to be successful it would be helpful for him to be their friends, be patient, and not to try to parent them. She also advised him to avoid commenting on her parenting words and actions with the girls until they were alone. Finally, Hannah emphasized, "Please do not take their rejection personally. They would react the same way with anyone." Randy was grateful for the guidance and acted accordingly.

Typical of teen-agers, at first Beth wanted nothing to do with Randy. Sondra was more open but guarded. However, when the girls asked their mother to help them with their homework, she referred them to Randy who was glad to be of assistance. He was also happy to help out by driving Beth and Sondra places and being there when they needed him. Randy loved to have fun and played with the girls. Needless to say, they all bonded nicely. They were a successful blended family.

Another important ingredient was that Randy and Hannah kept their relationship healthy and alive by spending quality time together and getting away regularly, even if it was for one night. They communicated and solved their problems with win-win solutions. This is crucial because the children often reflect the pain of the couple.

The situation of blended families can become more complicated when both adults have children. It is very important not to favor any child over another, no matter what the circumstances. If we treat everyone like we want to be treated, with love, respect, and appreciation, we will always succeed.

In cases where there are children on both sides, it is important to honor how the children feel about each other. For example, Lucy's son, Jack, was 9 years old, and her second husband's son, Sam, was 11. Lucy noticed that her son was unhappy when Sam came to the house for his weekend visits. When she questioned Jack, she found out that Sam was being verbally and physically abusive to him. I encouraged Lucy to teach Jack how to protect himself, as that is an important tool for life. I also advised her to talk to her husband, Sidney. It was important to protect Jack from Sam's destructive behavior, which probably was a result of his anger at his Mom and Dad for divorcing and jealousy that Jack lived with his Dad.

At the next counseling session Lucy came with Sidney, and I helped him realize that he felt guilty for leaving his wife and son (a common feeling) and hesitated to discipline Sam with logical consequences. (I never recommend verbal or physical punishment.) I pointed out how this was a problem for everyone. It was important for his son to learn how to constructively deal with his feelings. This was imperative for him to succeed in his life. I also suggested that Sam take his son out for the day and spend fun time with him. Until Jack felt safe with Sam, the boys were not to be left alone. Everyone deserves to feel safe, especially in his or her home.

The most potentially difficult situation can arise when the children of both parents all live together. This takes awareness of what is going on, and for the natural parents to take full responsibility for their own children's problems. Making excuses for them or being in denial can lead to disaster. There are many books, organizations, and professionals that can assist the family. It takes time, love, constructive communication, and win-win problem solving. Regular family meetings are helpful to all. Each person is honored and has the opportunity to speak, and everyone is involved in the decision making as much as possible.

If there are too many problems with the children, it might be wise for each family to live close by and not mingle the children until they adjust to the new situation. It is inappropriate to expect either the stepmother or stepfather to try to fix each other's problems with their children. It is also not appropriate to expect them to put up with, or be a target of their abuse.

Finally, it is crucial for the couple to have a healthy, loving relationship with each other and themselves, which includes high self-esteem, balancing their lives, and good communication and problem solving skills. The couple is the foundation and model for all families. You can be a successful blended family!

Cooking Fun With The Entire Family

Are you rushing to hurry up and get the food on the table, just so you have a few minutes later on to spend quality time with those you love? Or perhaps you gather up the family and run out to the nearest restaurant just so you can all be together. Yes, going out to restaurants can be enjoyable and convenient. However, the benefits of making meals at home far out way the benefits of dining out.

We live in a fast pace society, where everything is rush, rush, rush. Even restaurants are designed to get customers in and out as quickly as possible for a profitable turnover. So it's pretty difficult to have a relaxing meal with your family, dining outside the home.

If you're like most families, your life is pretty busy; working outside the home, working inside the home, taking children here or there, grocery shopping, laundry and doing other household tasks. There's barely enough time to breathe, let alone spend quality time with the family.

So, how with our busy lifestyles do we make time to prepare a meal plus have quality time with our family? By combining the two. Involve the whole family in making the family meal, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner. Make it a fun adventure.

Pick a time when life isn't quite as busy, Saturday mornings perhaps. Bring out the cookbooks and cooking magazines and search together to find interesting and yummy recipes. This not only helps develop reading and menu planning, it invites conversation and togetherness.

After finding recipes, write down the various ingredients you need and send the family on a scavenger hunt. They search through the cupboards and refrigerator to find the ingredients you already have, and check the one's that are still needed.

To avoid battles over who gets to do what, decide that a head of time. For the children that are too young to use the stove, or cut potatoes, have them stir the potatoes. Or if they pick yummy bread sticks or biscuits, they get to roll out the dough with the rolling pin and for biscuits, use cookie cutters to make cool shapes. Other methods of deciding who does what are to vote on it, or put the separate tasks in a jar, and each gets to pick one.

Deciding a head of time what role each is to take not only avoids battles, it gives each member of the family the sense of having an important role in meal preparation. The biggest benefit is that it saves precious time. After coming home from a busy day, or even if your busy day is in the home, you don't have to waste precious time figuring out who does what. You can begin the family fun right away.

Another fun idea is to have an occasional "Pot Luck Family Meal". Each person gets to make their favorite recipe and share their creation in the family gathering.

There are many benefits to involving the entire family in mealtime preparation. Quality time with the one's you love. Not having to rush, rush, rush to get food on the table. Encouraging teamwork within the family. Developing meal planning skills for later in life. Teaching your young (and sometimes older) children how to follow instructions. Giving your husband (or wife) the opportunity to discover they love cooking. Getting more appreciation from your family for all the hard work you've done before they joined you. Enjoying a quiet and relaxing meal in the comfort of your own home.

And most importantly, the biggest benefit of all, is that it's just plain FUN!

Don't believe the old adage that too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the pot. Cooking can be a fun adventure for the entire family.

Teach my children to resolve conflict

You teach your children to resolve conflict by modeling it in your relationship with them. In every relationship, we will hurt and disappoint each other. You’ve got to use those little lessons, those opportunities in life to drive the points home.

Resolving conflict with your child demands three things. First, it demands that you communicate to him that his attitude or behavior has hurt you. Your child may not care that he has hurt you, but it is your responsibility to communicate to him that you are ready to reconcile.

Secondly, you have to ask, “Will you forgive me?” You must be willing not only to forgive what he has done, but also to ask forgiveness for what you have done.

Third, you need to move to reconciliation, which restores the relationship and teaches the child that actions have consequences. In order for forgiveness and reconciliation to take place, there is a cost that has to be counted and a price that has to be paid for the relationship to be put back together.

I would really encourage couples to coach each other in conflict resolution. In the weariness of the battle, sometimes you don’t feel like pursuing a relationship with your child if it means working through one more hassle. Put your arm around your mate and help him reconnect with the child.

The conflict you are working through might already be deep-seated in a relationship. Even at that point, the parent must continually be working to re-establish a relationship and to move towards restoration. I’m convicted by the verse in Ephesians that encourages us to forgive each other “even as God, for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” How has God forgiven me? As the father of the prodigal son, who stood on the porch waiting, letting his son know that he wanted the relationship to be restored. How has God forgiven me? Seventy times seven—more than I could ever forgive my children. We’ve got to model this kind of forgiveness for our children and teach them how to show it to others.